When a woman’s longing to
be a mother is not gratified by children of her own, and when she
seeks a substitute by the most natural method, namely, adoption,
the question arises as to why she has no children of her own. In
the course of our discussion we have met various types of women
who long for children but are unable to gratify this longing directly,
owing to unresolved psychic conflicts. We have seen the midwife
who out of fear of the biological functions was obliged to content
herself with presiding over the delivery of other women’s
children, and Unamuno’s Aunt Tula, who despised sexuality
to such an extent that she could gratify her ardent motherliness
only by exploiting the sexual service of other women. We have seen
the androgynous woman who withdraws from female reproductive tasks
and yet wants to create and shape a human being after her own image,
and the woman whose eroticism has remained fixed in homosexuality
and whose yearning for a child derives from the profound source
of her own mother relationship. Many such women renounce men, but
gratify the wish for a child by adoption. . . .
The largest proportion of adoptive parents, however, is recruited
from among sterile married couples. Here the psychology of the adoptive
mother is largely determined by the psychologic motives for sterility
(if any) and by the woman’s reaction to her renunciation.
Has her fear of the reproductive function proved stronger than her
wish to be a mother? Is she still so much a child that she cannot
emotionally and consciously decide to assume the responsible role
of mother? Is she so much absorbed emotionally in other life tasks
that she fears motherhood? . . . Does a deeply unconscious
curse of heredity burden all her motherly wish fantasies? And, above
all, has the sterile woman overcome the narcissistic mortification
of her inferiority as a woman to such an extent that she is willing
to give the child, as object, full maternal love? . . . .
We must not forget that in such cases adoption constitutes an attempt
to remedy a severe trauma, and that this trauma must be overcome
before motherliness with its gratifications can fully develop. What
kind of trauma it is, and the woman’s reaction to the necessary
renunciation of the hope of giving birth to a child, depend very
much, as we have seen, upon the cause of sterility. The emotional
difficulties of adoption may originate in the very conditions that
have led to sterility, and the ghosts that were supposed to be banished
by the renunciation of the reproductive function can under different
circumstances re-emerge in the adoptive mother in a new form. The
fear “I cannot have a child” will, for instance, assume
the form. . .“The child will be taken from me.”
The adopted child can become the bearer of all the problems that
have led to sterility, as well as of those that normally pertain
to a child of one’s own. The only difference is that here
the conflicts have a more real background. . . .
There are women—I might call them female Pied Pipers—who
use the bait of a cozy home and motherly care to lure children out
of social institutions without regard for their nature, driven by
a strong psychic urge to help children, to foster fledglings in
their nests, and to hear the name “Mother” uttered by
as many mouths as possible. . . . A masked kidnaperism
may often lead a kind and reasonable woman to undertake the grandiose
social task of becoming a replacing mother of the abandoned or neglected
children of many mothers. I have heard such an addict of adoption
speak with the greatest energy against social assistance to children:
a child—every child—needs one mother, the mother.
And she offered herself as such a mother to society. . . .
It is certain that similar individual motives, which remain completely
unconscious, operate in adoptions.
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