A MODEST
PROPOSAL
FOR
PREVENTING THE
CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE IN IRELAND FROM BEING A
BURDEN
TO THEIR PARENTS OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING
THEM BENEFICIAL
TO THE PUBLIC
IT
IS a melancholy
object to
those who walk through this great town or travel in the country, when
they
see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded with beggars of
the
female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags and
importuning
every passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead of being able to
work
for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in
strolling
to beg sustenance for their helpless infants: who as they grow up
either
turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country to
fight
for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.
I think it is agreed by
all parties
that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs,
or
at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in
the
present deplorable state of the kingdom a very great additional
grievance;
and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method
of
making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth, would
deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a
preserver
of the nation.
But my intention is very
far from
being confined to provide only for the children of professed beggars;
it
is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of
infants
at a certain age who are born of parents in effect as little able to
support
them as those who demand our charity in the streets.
As to my own part, having
turned
my thoughts for many years upon this important subject, and maturely
weighed
the several schemes of other projectors, I have always found them
grossly
mistaken in the computation. It is true, a child just dropped from its
dam may be supported by her milk for a solar year, with little other
nourishment;
at most not above the value of 2s., which the mother may certainly get,
or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and it is
exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a
manner
as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the parish, or
wanting
food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall on the
contrary
contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing, of many
thousands.
There is likewise another
great advantage
in my scheme, that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that
horrid practice of women murdering their bastard children, alas! too
frequent
among us! sacrificing the poor innocent babes I doubt more to avoid the
expense than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most
savage
and inhuman breast.
The number of souls in
this kingdom
being usually reckoned one million and a half, of these I calculate
there
may be about two hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from
which number I subtract thirty thousand couples who are able to
maintain
their own children, although I apprehend there cannot be so many, under
the present distresses of the kingdom; but this being granted, there
will
remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty
thousand for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by
accident
or disease within the year. There only remains one hundred and twenty
thousand
children of poor parents annually born. The question therefore is, how
this number shall be reared and provided for, which, as I have already
said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by
all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in
handicraft
or agriculture; we neither build houses (I mean in the country) nor
cultivate
land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing, till they
arrive at six years old, except where they are of towardly parts,
although
I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier, during which time,
they
can however be properly looked upon only as probationers, as I have
been
informed by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested
to me that he never knew above one or two instances under the age of
six,
even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency
in that art.
I am assured by our
merchants, that
a boy or a girl before twelve years old is no salable commodity; and
even
when they come to this age they will not yield above three pounds, or
three
pounds and half-a-crown at most on the exchange; which cannot turn to
account
either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags
having
been at least four times that value.
I shall now therefore
humbly propose
my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.
I have been assured by a
very knowing
American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well
nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome
food,
whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it
will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.
I do therefore humbly
offer it to
public consideration that of the hundred and twenty thousand children
already
computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only
one-fourth
part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or
swine; and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of
marriage,
a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male
will
be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred
thousand
may, at a year old, be offered in the sale to the persons of quality
and
fortune through the kingdom; always advising the mother to let them
suck
plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump and fat for a
good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for
friends;
and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a
reasonable
dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good
boiled
on the fourth day, especially in winter.
I have reckoned upon a
medium that
a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year, if
tolerably
nursed, increaseth to 28 pounds.
I grant this food will be
somewhat
dear, and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have
already
devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the
children.
Infant's flesh will be in
season
throughout the year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before
and
after; for we are told by a grave author, an eminent French physician,
that fish being a prolific diet, there are more children born in Roman
Catholic countries about nine months after Lent than at any other
season;
therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more
glutted
than usual, because the number of popish infants is at least three to
one
in this kingdom: and therefore it will have one other collateral
advantage,
by lessening the number of papists among us.
I have already computed
the charge
of nursing a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers,
laborers,
and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum,
rags
included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings
for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make
four
dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular
friend
or his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a
good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants; the mother will have
eight shillings net profit, and be fit for work till she produces
another
child.
Those who are more
thrifty (as I
must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which
artificially dressed will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer
boots for fine gentlemen.
As to our city of Dublin,
shambles
may be appointed for this purpose in the most convenient parts of it,
and
butchers we may be assured will not be wanting; although I rather
recommend
buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we
do roasting pigs.
A very worthy person, a
true lover
of his country, and whose virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased
in
discoursing on this matter to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He
said
that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed their
deer,
he conceived that the want of venison might be well supplied by the
bodies
of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age nor
under
twelve; so great a number of both sexes in every country being now
ready
to starve for want of work and service; and these to be disposed of by
their parents, if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But
with
due deference to so excellent a friend and so deserving a patriot, I
cannot
be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American
acquaintance
assured me, from frequent experience, that their flesh was generally
tough
and lean, like that of our schoolboys by continual exercise, and their
taste disagreeable; and to fatten them would not answer the charge.
Then
as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission be a loss
to the public, because they soon would become breeders themselves; and
besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt
to censure such a practice (although indeed very unjustly), as a little
bordering upon cruelty; which, I confess, hath always been with me the
strongest objection against any project, however so well intended.
But in order to justify
my friend,
he confessed that this expedient was put into his head by the famous
Psalmanazar,
a native of the island Formosa, who came from thence to London above
twenty
years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that in his country when
any young person happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the
carcass to persons of quality as a prime dainty; and that in his time
the
body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to
poison
the emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of
state,
and other great mandarins of the court, in joints from the gibbet, at
four
hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were
made
of several plump young girls in this town, who without one single groat
to their fortunes cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at
playhouse
and assemblies in foreign fineries which they never will pay for, the
kingdom
would not be the worse.
Some persons of a
desponding spirit
are in great concern about that vast number of poor people, who are
aged,
diseased, or maimed, and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what
course may be taken to ease the nation of so grievous an encumbrance.
But
I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well
known
that they are every day dying and rotting by cold and famine, and filth
and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the young
laborers, they are now in as hopeful a condition; they cannot get work,
and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree that if
at any time they are accidentally hired to common labor, they have not
strength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily
delivered from the evils to come.
I have too long
digressed, and therefore
shall return to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal
which
I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.
For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the
number
of papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal
breeders
of the nation as well as our most dangerous enemies; and who stay at
home
on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender,
hoping
to take their advantage by the absence of so many good protestants, who
have chosen rather to leave their country than stay at home and pay
tithes
against their conscience to an episcopal curate.
Secondly, The poorer
tenants will
have something valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable
to
distress and help to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle
being
already seized, and money a thing unknown.
Thirdly, Whereas the
maintenance
of an hundred thousand children, from two years old and upward, cannot
be computed at less than ten shillings a-piece per annum, the nation's
stock will be thereby increased fifty thousand pounds per annum, beside
the profit of a new dish introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of
fortune
in the kingdom who have any refinement in taste. And the money will
circulate
among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth and
manufacture.
Fourthly, The constant
breeders,
beside the gain of eight shillings sterling per annum by the sale of
their
children, will be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first
year.
Fifthly, This food would
likewise
bring great custom to taverns; where the vintners will certainly be so
prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to perfection,
and consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine
gentlemen,
who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating: and a
skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive
to
make it as expensive as they please.
Sixthly, This would be a
great inducement
to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards
or
enforced by laws and penalties. It would increase the care and
tenderness
of mothers toward their children, when they were sure of a settlement
for
life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the public, to their
annual
profit instead of expense. We should see an honest emulation among the
married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the
market.
Men would become as fond of their wives during the time of their
pregnancy
as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, their sows
when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is
too
frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.
Many other advantages
might be enumerated.
For instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our
exportation
of barreled beef, the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in
the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great
destruction
of
pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste
or magnificence to a well-grown, fat, yearling child, which roasted
whole
will make a considerable figure at a lord mayor's feast or any other
public
entertainment. But this and many others I omit, being studious of
brevity.
Supposing that
one thousand families
in this city, would be constant customers for Infant's Flesh, besides
others who might have it at merry meetings, particularly at weddings
and christenings, I compute that Dublin would take off annually about
twenty thousand carcasses, and the rest of the Kingdom (where probably
they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.
I can think of no one
objection, that
will possibly be raised against this proposal, unless it should be
urged, that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in the
Kingdom. This I freely own, and 'twas indeed one principal design in
offering it to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I
calculate my remedy for this one individual kingdom of Ireland, and for
no other that ever was, is, or I think, ever can be upon Earth.
Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: of taxing our
absentees at five shillings a pound: of using neither clothes, nor
household furniture, except what is of our own growth and manufacture:
of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that promote foreign
luxury: of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and
gaming in our women: of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence and
temperance: of learning to love our country, wherein we differ even
from
Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: of quitting our
animosities, and factions, nor act any longer like the Jews, who were
murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken: of being
a little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for nothing:
of teaching our landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards
their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and
skill into our shop-keepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to
buy only our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact
upon us in the price, the measure and the goodness, nor
could ever yet be brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing,
though often and earnestly invited to it.
Therefore I repeat, let no man
talk to
me of these and the like expedients, till he hath at least some glimpse
of hope, that there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to
put them into practice.
But as
to my self, having been wearied
out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at
length despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal,
which as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no
expense and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can
incur no danger in disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will
not bear exportation, the flesh being of too tender a consistence, to
admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a
country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.
After
all, I am not so violently
bent upon my own opinion as to reject any offer proposed by wise men,
which
shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before
something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme,
and offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleased
maturely
to consider two points. First, as things now stand, how they will be
able
to find food and raiment for an hundred thousand useless mouths and
backs.
And secondly, there being a round million of creatures in human figure
throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common
stock
would leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling, adding those
who are beggars by profession to the bulk of farmers, cottagers, and
laborers,
with their wives and children who are beggars in effect: I desire those
politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold as to
attempt
an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals,
whether
they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold
for food, at a year old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have
avoided
such a perpetual scene of misfortunes as they have since gone through
by
the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without
money
or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes
to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most
inevitable
prospect of entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed for
ever.
I profess, in the
sincerity of my
heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to
promote
this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my
country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the
poor,
and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children by which I can
propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and
my
wife past child-bearing.