Commentary

An Immodest Proposal

If we do not rid ourselves of the capitalist system, we are told by sociology professors, the media, and left-wing politicians, then the United States middle class will suffer severely. In doing so, however, the possibility of future social and economic inequality is attributed to the wrong culprit. The true enemy of the middle class is not our country's free market approach to the economy, but rather our society's emphasis on higher education, and the demand placed on those of the educated class.

In the future, these two factors will have a foreseeable and significant impact on the social structure of the United States.

Higher education is extremely popular in America today; since kindergarten, it has been emphasized by our parents, educators, and after-school specials. Since any of us can remember, we've been told that college is the place to make our dreams come true. At least this is the case for those of us who are currently enrolled at the university level; those who are not enrolled, typically, do not have the same values.

After high school graduation, individuals separate into two basic groups: those going directly into the work force and those first going to college. This separation is extremely important later in life, not just economically, but also because when individuals begin to pair off for marriage, we find that college graduates are much more likely to marry a person who attended college as well. We also see that those who do not seek secondary education tend to choose their mate from a similar educational background. I.e. high school dropout meth heads are apt to shack up with fellow meth heads, even if they eschew the institution of marriage. The examples of this are evident in almost every family.

One hundred years ago, we would not have seen such a rigid social division. Throughout time, education has generally been favorably looked upon, but never before has the amount and place of schooling been so important as they are today. We judge and are judged by seemingly insignificant factors such as a school's location and prestige. In centuries past, it would have been acceptable for the local doctor to marry a farm girl, but today, America's current social system stigmatizes those with lesser education.

One's education (or lack thereof) is not the only variable that distinguishes social classes, but so is relative intelligence. In the past, it would be possible for a person you meet to appear stupid, when in actuality he or she was simply uneducated, through no fault of his or her own. A family living in the countryside would not have the educational resources that a family in the city would, and neither was it a typical requirement for a well-paying career.

The intellect of the average citizen we encounter today is much easier to discern due to the basic education provided to all citizens. We know that if a person appears to be stupid, chances are, he or she really is stupid, and not merely without the option to achieve at least a high school diploma. This helps tremendously when selecting a mate with a comparable intelligence to oneself, as the conversation on the first date will often speak for itself. The decision of whether or not to pursue a long-term relationship can be determined quickly, instead of after years of marriage and children. Since everyone has more or less the same initial options, there is less excuse for simple ignorance-one's intellect is more likely to be a discerning factor.

It can be said that some individuals purposely desire those who are intellectually inferior for reasons of power, lack of self-esteem, or physical endowments. However, for the most part it is safe to assume that the majority of Americans seek out others who are roughly equal to them in terms of education and intelligence.

This said, it is also safe to assume that the larger percentage of society marries and has children with those who are somewhat equitable in terms of intelligence and education. The result is obvious: the smart and educated marry and breed with the smart and educated. Conversely, and more worrisome reality, is that the dumb and uneducated marry and breed with dumb and uneducated.

This conclusion would not be so troublesome were the educated multiplying at the same rate as the stupid, but they are not. Intelligent and educated people usually have more demanding professional jobs that don't allow them to breed like maggots, or even the time to do so. On the other hand, the stupid care less for their future, do not consider the consequences of their actions, and have less to lose than intelligent people. Because of this, we see that the uneducated and less intelligent are multiplying more frequently and in greater numbers than the intelligent and educated. This situation may not impact us greatly now, but what happens when this pattern is repeated for five or ten generations?
Our civilization will become polarized into two vastly different factions: a small, elite educated class at the top, and a large group of imbeciles at the bottom.

As we of the educated and socially conscious class, we cannot stand idly by while the population is overrun by lazy, imbecilic, unemployed morons, can we? We can ignore them for the moment, but soon their stupidity will begin to affect our quality of life. When their economic muscle is such that producers are forced to supply only the most inane of goods, our standard of living, and more specifically our pursuit of happiness will be impaired. The stupid people are coming, and we must institute safeguards now, lest our civilization be doomed.

Necessary constitutional changes notwithstanding, the first thing we would need is to establish a "Ministry of Procreation," to be overseen by the Department of Education. This new agency would oversee a sweeping, New Deal-type program regulating the procreational privileges of the American populace. Among other responsibilities, it would issue licenses for the number of children a couple is allowed to have. The number of children allowed would be directly proportional to one's achieved level of education. One possible table would be set up like this:

In this "free" country, it is foreseeable that not everyone would be willing to go along with this, and given the current reproductive situation, would be next to impossible to successfully implement.

This is why we need an Amendment to the U.S. Constitution requiring all boys-upon reaching puberty-to go to the local branch of the Ministry of Procreation and have their sperm extracted. At this time, a mandatory vasectomy would be performed. The youngster's sperm would be then frozen, inventoried, and stored until he completes the minimum education requirement to have a child. Then he can choose to artificially inseminate his found mate, or keep it in storage until he is ready to breed.

If, by chance, he is ready to have a child immediately following high school, he is required to bring his partner/wife to the Ministry of Procreation where they will fertilize her egg with his sperm. At this time, the Ministry of Procreation would document the record of their conception in the applicants' computer records, and they will not be able to breed again until they have reached the next level of education.

The Ministry of Procreation will work wonders to ensure that the United States maintains its intelligence while at the same time giving incentive to its citizens to increase their education levels. The program will also cut down on welfare costs and abortions, because each child will most likely be adequately cared for and truly wanted. Perhaps the most attractive result is that people will be able to have sex freely, without the fear of unwanted pregnancy. But most importantly, we will finally be have the solution to the soaring population of the stupid.

Soon the United States would be a shining beacon for other countries to follow. Only then can we work toward further goals, and begin to promote other traits, implement greater policies, and forge a superior race of tall, muscular, blonde-haired, blue-eyed people.

Andy Combs, a senior majoring in Totalitarianism with a focus in Fascism, is Publisher of the Oregon Commentator